$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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