the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
