my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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