You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
