I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
