I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
