Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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