So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
