How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
