I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
