Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?

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(626): View more from California

that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.

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(917): View more from New York City

I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car

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(843): View more from South Carolina

REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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(641): View more from Iowa

But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me

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