I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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