Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
