You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
