last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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