ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
