So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize