Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
