when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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