Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Small penises have feelings too.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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