we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
