New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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