Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Even my vagina gasped.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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