i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
