going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize