I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
