i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
