Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
