No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
