What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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