addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
