okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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