She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
