I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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