Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
