On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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