I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
