Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
