some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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