Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
