I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
