I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
