the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
