That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
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