I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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