there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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