Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
