Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
