I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
love makes seman taste better
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
