Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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