I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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