Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
