Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
