You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize