Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
