12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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