Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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