I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize