Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
