I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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