dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
