i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
