that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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