I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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