you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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