I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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