I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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